The Spam in the Email
by UnleadedCorgi
Summary: Angela sends and email to the squints and Booth. The squints and Booth reply. Life goes on. BB if you close your eyes a little, tilt your head and poke your tongue out...


**The Secrets in the Spam**

**Disclaimer:** 'Bones' isn't mine. I'm just borrowing it. Ok?

**A/N:** The inspiration for this came from an email I received from a friend.. You know the type; spam and not worth filling in, but you do anyway for the sake of it. Oh, and I made up the email address for the squints and Booth, so if there your's don't sue me.

**From:** .

**To:** ; ; ; ;

**Subject:** (A-Z) Things you should know about me…

**A – Are you available?**

No, I'm not. Just ask the ' bug 'n' slime' guy. He'd be able to tell you…

**B – What is your best sport?**

Oh, I don't play sport. It's bad for my nails. I used to play softball

**C – Who is your crush?**

I'm taken. I love my fiancé, but it's more than a crush.

**D – What is your dog's name?**

Hodgins' butler is allergic to dogs, so he keeps bugs instead. I don't have time for a pet.

**E – Who is the person you find easiest to talk to?**

Surprisingly, that would be Bren. Sure, she doesn't get what I mean a lot of the time, but she's honest, and I like that about her.

**F – What is you favourite colour?**

Purple. Wait, no, orange. You know what, you should never ask an artist what their favourite colour is. I love them all.

**G – Do you prefer gummy worms or gummy bears?**

Definitely bears. There small, and easily hidden in my purse…

**H – Where is your hometown?**

I live in DC, I was born in a town in Texas which I would rather not mention…

**I – Do you play an instrument?**

I learnt the clarinet when I was a teenager, but the only thing I play now is the paintbrush.

**J – What is your favourite flavour of juice?**

Apple. It's sweet, but not to sweet, and it's full of excellent antioxidants

**K – What is your favourite kind of music?**

I'm into most kinds of music, but I really love the techno stuff.

**L – What is the length of your longest car ride?**

About 12 hours non-stop. I normally take Hodgins' jet.

**M – What is your favourite flavour of milk?**

Chocolate. I'm a chocoholic, no doubt about it.

**N - What number of siblings do you have?**

Too many.

**O - If you could have one wish what would it be?**

Well…. If I could have only one wish in my life… and my life was perfect…. I'd want Bren and Booth to admit their feelings for each other.

**P – Do you have any phobias or fears?**

Heights.

**Q – What is one of your favourite quotations?**

"To be or not to be; that is the question!" It's a classic!

**R – What is one reason that you laugh?**

Bren and Booth bickering. Have you seen those two? They'll go from mad to sad to normal in the space of a second!

**S – What is the last song you heard?**

Sweet About Me – Gabriella Cilme

**T - What time did you wake up today?**

7:08… but I wasn't out of bed until 7:52.

**U – List one unknown fact about yourself:**

I lost my favourite pair of Jimmy Choo's last week. Well, I suspect that they were taken for someone's experiment.

**V – What is one vegetable you dislike?**

Zucchini. I can't stand it.

**W – What is one of your worst habits?**

I meddle in people's love life. I see a couple that should be together, and I want to get them together.

**X – Have you had any X-Rays?**

Yes. I was 14 and broke my left arm… I think it was the ulna, for you anthropologists.

**Y – What do you consider 'Yummy' food?**

Chocolate, champagne and Italian.

**Z – What is your sign of the Zodiac?**

I'm a Sagittarius all the way.

_Okay guys, fill in your answers and send on to everyone else. You better be truthful too…_

---

**From: **

**To:** ; ; ; ;

**Subject:** (A-Z) Things you should know about me…

**A – Are you available?**

In this use, does available mean not seeing anyone? If that is the case, then yes, I am available.

**B – What is your best sport?**

I don't play sport, however when I was younger, my father taught me to play squash.

**C – Who is your crush?**

Again, I am unsure as to the context of the word crush, but logically I would assume that it means the person I have affections for, as Angela has often questioned Dr Brennan regarding her 'crush' on Agent Booth. My 'crush' is Naomi from Archaeology.

**D – What is your dog's name?**

When I was eight, I had a dog. Its name was Rover. When I was nine, I went to science camp, and when I returned home, my parents told me Rover ran away. I found his body buried in the back yard two weeks later. My parents feigned innocence.

**E – Who is the person you find easiest to talk to?**

In regards to anthropology, Dr Brennan is the logically choice as to whom I should converse with. However, I do enjoy a variety of discussions with Dr Hodgins, especially when they concern one of our experiments.

**F – What is you favourite colour?**

Statistics show that blue is the favoured colour of more than 90% of the population. I am part of the 10% that are not in favour of blue. I much prefer green.

**G – Do you prefer gummy worms or gummy bears?**

When I was 12, a particularly obnoxious peer of mine dumped a packet of melted gummy bears down my shirt. I have since been partial to gummy worms.

**H – Where is your hometown?**

My family resides in Michigan. I live in DC.

**I – Do you play an instrument?**

As some of this team are aware, my mother encouraged me to take singing lessons when I was in my youth. My teacher often referred to the voice as 'the first instrument'.

**J – What is your favourite flavour of juice?**

When I get the chance to actually drink more then just water, I often drink apple-mango juice.

**K – What is your favourite kind of music?**

Popular music is not one of my passions. I am more into classical pieces, by composers such as Bach, Mozart and Tchaikovski.

**L – What is the length of your longest car ride?**

My parents took me on a road trip when I was 13. We drove for 30 hours total, with only minor stops for toilet breaks and meals.

**M – What is your favourite flavour of milk?**

I find that Banana milk is quite appealing when I need to sleep, especially when warmed.

**N - What number of siblings do you have?**

That question is phrased incorrectly, however I shall endeavour to ignore the grammatical error. I have 2 siblings, both female and younger then me, but I also have various cousins.

**O - If you could have one wish what would it be?**

It is illogical that I should wish for anything, when I know that it won't come true. However, if it were to come true, the rational thing to wish for is more wishes.

**P – Do you have any phobias or fears?**

Phobias are irrational or very powerful fears and dislike of something, for example, spiders or confined spaces. I have no irrational fears; therefore, I have no phobias.

**Q – What is one of your favourite quotations?**

**R – What is one reason that you laugh?**

I am interpreting this question to mean what is something that you laugh about. I laugh when one of Hodgins' experiments does not end with the result that he was expecting.

**S – What is the last song you heard?**

Tchaikovski's 1812 overture.

**T - What time did you wake up today?**

6:13

**U – List one unknown fact about yourself:**

My great uncle left me a house when I was 15. It's only just smaller than Hodgins' estate. I rent it out to millionaires.

**V – What is one vegetable you dislike?**

The only vegetables I don't consume are sprouts.

**W – What is one of your worst habits?**

I often forget to wash my clothes at the end of the week, and am forced to either buy myself new clothes or wear some that are unclean.

**X – Have you had any X-Rays?**

I was most recently x-rayed when Howard Epps tried to blow up Agent Booth and I.

**Y – What do you consider 'Yummy' food?**

My favourite foods are Indian Curries, especially vindaloo and korma.

**Z – What is your sign of the Zodiac?**

I am an Aries.

---

**From:**

**To:** ; ; ; ;

**Subject:** (A-Z) Things you should know about me…

**A – Are you available?**

No way. I am well and truly taken.

**B – What is your best sport?**

I used to play golf with my father. It was a bit of a joke really, I ended up as the caddy.

**C – Who is your crush?**

No crush, just Angela, my soul mate.

**D – What is your dog's name?**

My butler is allergic to dogs. I keep bugs instead.

**E – Who is the person you find easiest to talk to?**

Angie. Definitely. We have no secrets.

**F – What is you favourite colour?**

Orange, like the wings of the beetle I ever owned.

**G – Do you prefer gummy worms or gummy bears?**

Bears. Ange and me share them when we go to the movies.

**H – Where is your hometown?**

DC. Born and bred.

**I – Do you play an instrument?**

I was a bassist in a band when I was in college.

**J – What is your favourite flavour of juice?**

Orange. I prefer it with pulp.

**K – What is your favourite kind of music?**

Rock and roll.

**L – What is the length of your longest car ride?**

I normally take the jet if I'm going to be more than five hours.

**M – What is your favourite flavour of milk?**

Caramel, but only the good kind, with the thick cream.

**N - What number of siblings do you have?**

Unfortunately, none. I am the sole heir to the fortune of the Hodgins fortune.

**O - If you could have one wish what would it be?**

I wish we could get Birambau to sign the divorce papers!

**P – Do you have any phobias or fears?**

Claustrophobia. Ever since the Gravedigger case.

**Q – What is one of your favourite quotations?**

"Grace once lost is not so easily found"

**R – What is one reason that you laugh?**

Angela Montenegro. That's it two words. She's the only reason I need. Sometimes I laugh when Zack messes up.

**S – What is the last song you heard?**

My Immortal by Evanescence.

**T - What time did you wake up today?**

7:08 but I was in bed with Ange until 7:52

**U – List one unknown fact about yourself:**

When I was eighteen, my dad almost bought me a shuttle so he could prove that man walked on the moon.

**V – What is one vegetable you dislike?**

Cucumber. I cannot stand it.

**W – What is one of your worst habits?**

I collect bugs as a hobby. I think that would be considered as a bad habit by most people.

**X – Have you had any X-Rays?**

I was x-rayed before surgery after we were dug out of that car.

**Y – What do you consider 'Yummy' food?**

Anything that Angie cooks is good enough for me, but I love sushi.

**Z – What is your sign of the Zodiac?**

I am an Aquarius.

---

**From:**

**To:** ; ; ; ;

**Subject:** (A-Z) Things you should know about me…

**A – Are you available?**

Currently, yes.

**B – What is your best sport?**

I played basketball when I was younger. By the time I was in college, I was much busier with my studies.

**C – Who is your crush?**

Oh please. I let the men come to me. 'Crush' is such a teenage word.

**D – What is your dog's name?**

Her name was Gypsy. She died when I was 14.

**E – Who is the person you find easiest to talk to?**

I don't really talk to anyone about personal issues.

**F – What is you favourite colour?**

I like red. I'm a coroner. See the connection.

**G – Do you prefer gummy worms or gummy bears?**

Worms. I like the sour ones.

**H – Where is your hometown?**

I was born and raised in the Bronx.

**I – Do you play an instrument?**

No. Apparently I lack the dexterity in my fingers to play the piano with precision. I have enough dexterity to cut up human bodies however. I think my music teacher was wrong.

**J – What is your favourite flavour of juice?**

Pineapple. Not sweet, not sour.

**K – What is your favourite kind of music?**

I'm a sucker for country. You wouldn't believe it, but I spent a lot of time listening to it when I was a child thanks to my father.

**L – What is the length of your longest car ride?**

I rode across the continent on a motorbike when I was twenty-two. I don't remember the duration of time that passed.

**M – What is your favourite flavour of milk?**

I do not know a woman that doesn't enjoy chocolate milk. Myself included.

**N - What number of siblings do you have?**

One sister, two brothers.

**O - If you could have one wish what would it be?**

That I could retire with a fortune.

**P – Do you have any phobias or fears?**

I dislike spiders. That's why I stay away when Hodgins has his collection out.

**Q – What is one of your favourite quotations?**

"It is better to have loved and lost then to have never loved at all."

**R – What is one reason that you laugh?**

I laugh if I find something funny. Often the antics of this team is enough to send me into fits of laughter.

**S – What is the last song you heard?**

Don't Lie by The Black Peas.

**T - What time did you wake up today?**

6:57am.

**U – List one unknown fact about yourself:**

I studied medieval history in college, and I was quiet good at it too.

**V – What is one vegetable you dislike?**

Cabbage. I dislike vegetables with more than 50% water content.

**W – What is one of your worst habits?**

I overwork myself. And I get headaches.

**X – Have you had any X-Rays?**

I'm a coroner. I travel a lot. I get x-rayed every time I go through an airport.

**Y – What do you consider 'Yummy' food?**

Chocolate and wine. Comfort foods for the ages.

**Z – What is your sign of the Zodiac?**

I'm Virgo.

---

**From:**

**To:** ; ; ; ;

**Subject:** (A-Z) Things you should know about me…

**A – Are you available?**

No.

**B – What is your best sport?**

Hockey by far, but I'm a good basketball player also

**C – Who is your crush?**

I don't have a crush on anyone. I never 'crush on' people. I 'love' people.

**D – What is your dog's name?**

Parker's dog is named Charlie. I got it for him last birthday.

**E – Who is the person you find easiest to talk to?**

Well, that's easy. Bones. She knows more about me than Sweets.

**F – What is you favourite colour?**

Blue. Bright cerulean blue.

**G – Do you prefer gummy worms or gummy bears?**

Worms. Bears get stuck down the back of the couch much easier. I have a young son, see the problem?

**H – Where is your hometown?**

I was born in Philadelphia. My current residence is classified.

**I – Do you play an instrument?**

I was a drummer in high school.

**J – What is your favourite flavour of juice?**

Apple-blackcurrant. It's Parker's favourite as well.

**K – What is your favourite kind of music?**

Classic rock.

**L – What is the length of your longest car ride?**

Gosh… I drive a lot you know. It would have to be more than 15 hours.

**M – What is your favourite flavour of milk?**

Strawberry. I drink it every time Parker comes over. Rebecca doesn't like him drinking chocolate.

**N - What number of siblings do you have?**

I have a brother, Jared.

**O - If you could have one wish what would it be?**

I don't feel comfortable divulging that particular information to anyone that it does not involve. So, in case the person this is intended for understands what it means, I'm going to include it.

I wish that I had never drawn a line that I once stupidly drew.

**P – Do you have any phobias or fears?**

I fear loosing people I hold close to me. I also have a phobia of clowns… Bones told me what it was, but I cannot remember for the life of me what she said it was.

**Q – What is one of your favourite quotations?**

"The course of true love ne'er did run smooth."

**R – What is one reason that you laugh?**

Whenever Bones has that face when she doesn't get what I'm talking about.

**S – What is the last song you heard?**

Girls Just Wanna Have Fun by Cyndi Lauper.

**T - What time did you wake up today?**

7:38

**U – List one unknown fact about yourself:**

I read comic books in the bath while drink beer from a beer-dispensing hat.

**V – What is one vegetable you dislike?**

Broccoli. Can't stand the stuff.

**W – What is one of your worst habits?**

Well, Bones would say it's my alpha-male tendencies. I think my jealousy is my worst habit.

**X – Have you had any X-Rays?**

A fridge blew me up. I've been shot. I've been held captive on a ship about to explode. Yeah, I've had x-rays.

**Y – What do you consider 'Yummy' food?**

Bones' Mac and cheese. It's perfect.

**Z – What is your sign of the Zodiac?**

I'm a Taurus.

---

**From:**

**To:** ; ; ; ; ;

**Subject:** (A-Z) Things you should know about me…

**A – Are you available?**

I am not an object in a store that can be 'available'. I am a human being.

**B – What is your best sport?**

I have a good handicap for golf.

**C – Who is your crush?**

I'll repeat Booth's answer- I don't have a 'crush' on anyone

**D – What is your dog's name?**

I don't own a dog. I have Jasper, the Pig.

**E – Who is the person you find easiest to talk to?**

Booth.

**F – What is you favourite colour?**

Deep, chocolate brown.

**G – Do you prefer gummy worms or gummy bears?**

Worms. Parker sometimes sticks bears down the seats of the couch when he visits.

**H – Where is your hometown?**

I don't really have a hometown. I was a foster child.

**I – Do you play an instrument?**

Flute, violin, piano. The classical instruments. I can also play a type of African drum. I was taught when I was in Africa identifying remains.

**J – What is your favourite flavour of juice?**

Tomato juice- its so much healthier.

**K – What is your favourite kind of music?**

Rap. Booth laughs at me when I listen to my throat-singers.

**L – What is the length of your longest car ride?**

I don't remember. It would have had to be when I was in Russia, and drove for nearly three days straight.

**M – What is your favourite flavour of milk?**

Plain milk is much better for you.

**N - What number of siblings do you have?**

I agree with Zack, this question is worded awfully. I have a brother, Russ.

**O - If you could have one wish what would it be?**

I wish that Booth would realise he doesn't need to wish his wish.

**P – Do you have any phobias or fears?**

Snakes.

**Q – What is one of your favourite quotations?**

"Journeys end in Lovers meet"

**R – What is one reason that you laugh?**

Booth making comments like he did before my father's trial… Carpet… Meaty bits….

**S – What is the last song you heard?**

Hod Blooded by Foreigner.

**T - What time did you wake up today?**

7:38

**U – List one unknown fact about yourself:**

I brought a house last Wednesday and I just moved into it with my boyfriend and his son (When he comes over)

**V – What is one vegetable you dislike?**

I'm a vegetarian. I only eat vegetables.

**W – What is one of your worst habits?**

Ask Booth to name some. He can be so much more objective about this than me…

**X – Have you had any X-Rays?**

Yes.

**Y – What do you consider 'Yummy' food?**

Pie. I'll admit it, Booth got me to try it, and I love it!

**Z – What is your Zodiac sign?**

I'm a Libra.

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